愛 (Ai)

Here's to my favourite person-- a listener, a supporter, and so much more.

One of the best photos I have of you.

Yesterday was one of your big days. A day where you wore a robe to obtain a valuable piece of paper. Your diploma. You ranted on how lousy your diploma was, but to me that is something you should be thankful for. Learning is never easy, and you told me so yourself. You deserve a pat on the back, and I couldn't be more proud of you too. 

I've always dreamt of being part of someone's big achievements and events. I thought I would be photographed beside you while you wear that big ol' ugly robe and hat, but I reminded myself not to be selfish, and that there's always a next time for us to be part of something big. Maybe not now, but perhaps the days to come. Also I realise that somehow I have a little bit of envy in me. Seeing my friends become successful in learning and practicing what they like, while I am here struggling to balance myself on the brink of failure. 

Academic has always been my weakness but I never hated learning. My slow processing brain makes me feel insecure of my grades and well almost anything that has to do with academics. God knows how strong my self-loathing is due to the doubts I have around me. They make me feel inadequate. 

But,

You keep reminding me to be positive. You say things that make me feel better. Telling me not to give up and I still have a chance to keep up with my CGPA and whatnot. Being a pessimist is difficult and sometimes a little amount of positivity would go a long way for me. So this post is also a lil bit of an appreciation post for you, love. Seeing you radiating the good vibes is contagious; it makes people all cheery. It makes me happy. (sigh so much for being an emotional girl) 

I love you, and once again I am proud of you. Never stop spreading that playful side of yours. Looking forward to our future endeavours, sayang!

i.k

2017

It's 2017, and I have reached the age where 'teen' is no longer heard. Back when I was younger, I always dreaded that 18 was considered old and by that time I would be so mature. Yet here I am, being twenty but still feeling young and lacking the mind of an actual 20-year-old human being. I was excited once knowing that I'd finish school then I'd be a university student, which I am. The excitement still lingers now, but shadowed by the insecurity and fear of not being good enough. All because I am terrified of the unknown. The future, of what I would become.

It's like falling into the abyss, hoping that there's an end to it despite knowing that it's an abyss-- an endless space. You keep going and going where life takes you. All you are given is a choice. A choice between two paths, and all you are left is the unknown at the end of the paths. For that, you hope that what you choose will do you good.

i.k